I never considered having a doula at the birth of my daughter in 2011. I’m not even sure I knew what a doula was at the time. I did know, however, that I was going to need a little help. My midwife was brilliant and my husband supportive, but I wanted a third person on my team. Someone who would help me stay calm while encouraging me to channel the strength I didn’t always recognize within myself. Someone who could convince me to keep pushing when I felt like I wanted to give up. Someone who knew how to help me replace my fear and anxiety with confidence and peace. In other words, someone like Kili, my friend, personal trainer, and co-owner of the gym where I worked out. Kili had never helped deliver a baby before, but she did have three children of her own and — most importantly — she was one of the strongest and most empathetic women I knew. I had been working out with her for two years, and she had been extremely influential in helping me realize that the negative, preconceived notions I had about my physical capabilities were way off. She was the best fitness coach I had ever worked with, and she was in the process of becoming a certified life coach as well.
So I asked her how she would feel about adding “labor coach” to that list. While it was obvious that the experience was going to be life-changing for me (I mean, I was about to become a mother for the first time), when she said yes, we never would have guessed how much the experience would impact her life. I asked her to be my labor coach because I thought she would be good at it and I felt comfortable with her. I didn’t know she was a doula in the making and that my daughter would be the first of many babies she’d help deliver.
Kili became a certified Pilates instructor shortly thereafter, and in 2017, Kili officially became a doula. I recently asked her to tell me a little more about her journey. This is what she had to say.
What was it like helping to deliver a baby for the first time? It was crazy exciting! Having three children of my own, I fully understood the significance and miracle of birth. But not until I supported someone else’s journey did I realize the strength and power of a woman’s vulnerability. I was nervous, due to the newness of the experience and wanting to truly help two people I cared about. But there was also a sense of ease because I was doing the work I was born to do.
Did you have any idea you would wind up doing this for so many others later on? I didn’t imagine this specifically. The community my husband and I created for physical movement (through the gym we owned) really facilitated the opportunity to witness and create physical, mental, and emotional growth This was just a natural progression of that growth. I think the idea of having a doula assist with childbirth was becoming more mainstream in our area, so the timing of this and the fact that more women in our community were starting to have babies really catapulted the work.
When you started the Pilates training, did you know the doula training would follow – or did that decision come later? I wanted to add Pilates to my repertoire of bodywork training and certifications long before I even knew what a doula was. The value of understanding movement, alignment, strength, and core was something I always sought out in my career, and Pilates was the obvious next step. When I realized how much this all intersected with childbirth, there was no question that I had to go through doula training.
How has your approach to delivering a baby evolved over the years? I think the biggest evolution in my approach has been my commitment to the mother. While I love babies, I realize now that it is really all about the mom — her safety, her health, her experience, her choices, her pain, her comfort and coping. Her goal is to deliver a healthy baby. My goal is to protect her choices and needs and to connect her to the people who love her most in a very uncontrollable (and sometimes scary) environment. I want to be the support she and her partner need to get the job done. So, while a lot of the techniques have stayed the same (e.g., massage, breath, and focus work), the intent has shifted.
How do you incorporate your Pilates/pelvic floor expertise into being a doula? The Pilates and pelvic floor work I do with women prior to birth prepares them for the endurance, strength, and release their bodies will need for labor and pushing. I also help them prepare their minds through focus, breath, and awareness, which are all very important in the practice of Pilates. After birth, my role is to help women rebuild core strength. I also help them reincorporate self-care and movement into their routines.
What do you like best about the path you are now on, helping women with childbirth and pelvic floor health? I love how this work helps women connect with their bodies, and I love when women realize how amazing and powerful their bodies are. The process of birth and pregnancy is unfortunately the very first time many women even become aware of the pelvic floor region. My hope is that the value of pelvic floor health becomes something we start to teach to our daughters at a much earlier age.
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